Stress, stress, stress...

“Stress is an ignorant state. It believes that everything is an emergency."

Pregnancy is stressful enough, no question. But add to this a still vivid memory of a miscarriage and you pretty much double the stress level. Most pregnant women would consider a lack of symptoms to be a blessing. When you've experienced a miscarriage, a lack of symptoms leaves you wondering what's wrong. From the start of this pregnancy I knew a high stress environment would be a setting I'd need to get used to. For someone on medication for high blood pressure, this could pose an unhealty element to our daily lives.

Now just to clarify, my HBP is mainly due to a contaminated blood line. Both my mother and father have been taking multiple HBP medications for years and the issue managed to skip both my older sisters and funnel directly into me. For anyone who knows me, I certainly don't walk around all high-strung and worried. I rarely get upset and I usually maintain a calm exterior. Internally, though, is enough bottled up worry and stress to elevate BP levels to a staggering 200/110 (a recent reading at the DR's office that resulted in a nurse asking if I was "the guy with the ridiculously high blood pressure"). A recent increase in medication has brought this down to earth, but a battle over my health between my medication and this pregnancy has certainly begun.

Our 8 week doctor's appointment is looming and this visit will confirm two things, 1) we're farther along this time than the last pregnancy and 2) everything is still fine this time around. It's this second item which is the cause for concern around our household. Amanda keeps waiting for that shoe to drop as she scrutinizes over each and every aspect of the pregnancy. Minor shooting pains, headaches, dizziness, etc all cease to exist as normal symptoms and become a reason to worry about what's wrong. Take away all of these feelings, and it's even worse, as the lack of noticeable symptoms creates a nervousness the pregnancy is no more.

The one thing I do know, is that another miscarriage is going to be devastating. All of these daily stresses and worries are inconsequential to the reality of what could potentially happen at the doctor's office. I try to stay glass half full and tell Amanda that everything is going to be okay, but all I can think of is the heartache that filled her face in the ultrasound office many months ago. All we're hoping for is to locate the baby and see that everything is still okay.